Wayne Harrison wrote:A sample of a woman's vocabulary.
I realize this is humor, not sociology, but as a member of maligned gender I offer these alternate definitions:
1. Fine: A somewhat neutral word indicating disagreement with the master of the house, but intended in a subservient manner, to avoid his ire.
2. Five Minutes: The time she expects you to spend on housework a day. Also, a time frame in a football or basketball game she doesn't understand, when the 'last five minutes' can extend a half hour or more.
3. Nothing: Nothing can mean two things. Either it truly means nothing (as in "disregard this") or it is something really bothering her but which she doesn't feel like talking about, since she knows to fully explore the topic will just get the master of the house upset.
4. Go Ahead: Depends on the context. Can mean "Go ahead. Make My Day," in the Clint Eastwood sense, or that she truly doesn't care what you are about to do, since she's pretty sure it will end in disaster. (Having already seen the master of the house do that very thing before.) It rarely is a positive or encouraging remark.
5. Loud Sigh: Oh boy, do I know this one. Usually, it means she is breathing. Women tend to take short shallow breaths, and occasionally catch up with a Loud Sigh. Loud sighs are a means of relieving general tension, but rarely are directed against the man of the house. They are usually misconstrued as anger, when the sigher is resigned to the inevitable, but not angry about it. But over 90% of the time, she's just catching up on her oxygen.
6. That's Okay: Men never believe this one. If you actually agree with a male, and say, 'that's Okay with me,' the next thing out of their mouth often is "what's wrong?" That's Okay is a bit of meaningless punctuation, somewhat like "Oh, well."
7. Thanks: If a woman is truly thankful, she will kiss you, hug you, cook you a good meal, fulfil your weird bedroom fantasies, or nominate you for an award. Thanks is a polite acknowledgement they noticed you went out of your way to pick up your own underwear, or washed the dishes which you dirtied, instead of leaving them for her.
8. Whatever: Equivalent to "oh well". See "That's Okay, above."
9. Don't worry about it, I got it: Depends on context and intonation. If said in a neutral tone, she's trying to open a pickle jar too wide to be grasped efficiently by smaller hands, it means she found a pipe wrench, and the jar succesfully popped, releasing 100 psi of vacuum, and she's proud of herself. If said in a condescending or pained voice, it is in frustration with the man of the house who owns the Irish wolfhound, but doesn't notice there are 4 100 lb bags of dogfood still needing to be moved to the garage. So she gets a two-wheeled truck and moves it while he is glued to the tube for the last five minutes of 'the game.'