You should see this ("caving is evil")

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You should see this ("caving is evil")

Postby pat91 » Apr 19, 2009 9:22 am

I used to be a caver and current circumstances prevent me from being active, but i thought you really needed to see this:
http://landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=21076
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Re: You should see this

Postby caverdan » Apr 19, 2009 9:47 am

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
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Re: You should see this

Postby Carl Amundson » Apr 19, 2009 10:18 am

LOL, that is just too funny :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

What is a cave but a passage to Hell? All these worthless people are doing is trying to open the gates of Hell!

There is no doubt Hell is in the center of earth. It has been proven on this site many times.

So why are these evil people trying to find a way to Hell? Because they are Satan's spawn!
A few years back they held a big meeting of cavers and they ended up running around naked and jumping into "Saunas"
Saunas are only a warm up for Hell, or maybe in their case, a reminder of home! There was drinking going on and smoking of something I suspect was reefers.
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Re: You should see this

Postby wendy » Apr 19, 2009 10:20 am

Thanks for posting that, it made my day. I had no idea that I had gone over to the dark side. :bananabat:
"Blessed are they who learn from their mistakes. For they shall make, if not necessarily fewer of them, different and more interesting ones."

"It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time." - Tallulah Bankhead
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Re: You should see this

Postby Scott McCrea » Apr 19, 2009 10:20 am

Wow. Amazing. Humans never cease to amaze me.

I think I found my new tag line/signature: quote from eliot mayfield: "There won't be any stalactites in Heaven!"

That's gold! Pure comedy gold!
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Re: You should see this

Postby caverdan » Apr 19, 2009 10:39 am

After blowing coffee out my nose and replacing my keyboard this morning........I had to investigate and see if this was based out of Colorado Springs. Damn near every religious wacko headquarter is within a dead cat throw of this town. :big grin:

Google is your friend and Wikipedia explains it pretty good. :kewl: :clap: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

The Landover Baptist Church is a fictional[1] Baptist church based in the fictional town of Freehold, Iowa. The Landover Baptist web site and its associated Landoverbaptist.net Forum are a parody of fundamentalist Christianity and the Religious Right in the United States.

The site was created by Chris Harper,[2] who obtained his Master's Degree in English Literature from George Mason University in 1993 after being expelled from Liberty University in 1989 for producing a satirical radio show which Liberty's administration found offensive.[3] The site is owned by a company called Americhrist, Ltd.



http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Landover_Baptist_Church
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Re: You should see this

Postby pat91 » Apr 19, 2009 10:58 am

You should see the maglite thread.
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Re: You should see this

Postby NZcaver » Apr 19, 2009 3:07 pm

Damnation, aren't those some of the funniest one-liners you've seen? :lmao:

"In Latin, the word "spelunker" means witch's coven."

"Spelunkers are those that explore those caverns without benefit of marriage."

"I used to go in caves and believe me there are evil things in them."


This should probably be moved to the joke forum - it's satanically hilarious. :devil: :clap:
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Re: You should see this

Postby graveleye » Apr 19, 2009 5:36 pm

oh please tell me that they are not for real.
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Re: You should see this

Postby NZcaver » Apr 19, 2009 5:43 pm

graveleye wrote:oh please tell me that they are not for real.

They are not for real.

caverdan wrote:Google is your friend and Wikipedia explains it pretty good.

The Landover Baptist Church is a fictional[1] Baptist church based in the fictional town of Freehold, Iowa. The Landover Baptist web site and its associated Landoverbaptist.net Forum are a parody of fundamentalist Christianity and the Religious Right in the United States.
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Re: You should see this

Postby Ralph E. Powers » Apr 19, 2009 6:14 pm

I used to be spelunker and let me tell you something: I duct taped ten maglights around my helmet. They are lightweight and strong too. Extra protection against those damned stalactites that are hanging around everywhere!

I hope he means mini-mags... even a 2 C cell one would be awfully heavy. ... at least he had the sense to use a helmet.. :roll:
This whole thing is a horrific metaphor. SATAN is at work here. Cave in this context is a metaphor for the female genitalia. Spelunkers are those that explore those caverns without benefit of marriage.

Hmm... how many of you cavers out there are married?
That explains it, D&D started Goth, and cavers are all part of that "Darkness" stuff. They need to step into the light of Jesus and be saved. I'm praying for a caver this evening. We should all find a caver to pray for.

Who will pray for me I wonder? I got 30 years of sinful exploration and the deepest I've gotten to hell was -1165 feet (Neffs Canyon Cave)... oh laws pleeze save me!
Without the possibility of death, adventure is not possible. ~ Reinhold Messner


http://ralph.rigidtech.com/albums.php
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Re: You should see this

Postby Squirrel Girl » Apr 19, 2009 8:00 pm

caverdan wrote:After blowing coffee out my nose and replacing my keyboard this morning........I had to investigate and see if this was based out of Colorado Springs. Damn near every religious wacko headquarter is within a dead cat throw of this town. :big grin:

Google is your friend and Wikipedia explains it pretty good. :kewl: :clap: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

The Landover Baptist Church is a fictional[1] Baptist church based in the fictional town of Freehold, Iowa. The Landover Baptist web site and its associated Landoverbaptist.net Forum are a parody of fundamentalist Christianity and the Religious Right in the United States.

The site was created by Chris Harper,[2] who obtained his Master's Degree in English Literature from George Mason University in 1993 after being expelled from Liberty University in 1989 for producing a satirical radio show which Liberty's administration found offensive.[3] The site is owned by a company called Americhrist, Ltd.



http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Landover_Baptist_Church


Makes me think of the Austin Lounge Lizards' Gospel Song:

I know you smoke, I know you drink that brew,
I just can't abide a sinner like you.
God can't either, that's why I know it's true,
That Jesus loves me but he can't stand you.

I'm going straight to heaven, boys, when I die,
'cause I've crossed every T and I've dotted every I
Why, my preacher tells me I'm god's kind of guy,
That's why Jesus loves me, but you're gonna fry.

God loves all his children, by gum,
That doesn't mean he won't incinerate some,
Can't you feel those hot flames licking you?

I'm raising my kids in a righteous way,
So don't be sending your kids to my house to play,
Yours will grow up stoned, left leaning and gay,
I know - Jesus told me on the phone today.

Jesus loves me, this I know
And he told me where you're gonna go,
There's room for your kind down below
Whoa, whoa, whoa

Jesus loves me, he loves me real good. I know he does. He called me up on the phone today and told me how much he loves me. He said, "Son, I love you." He speaks English pretty well, considering it's a second language for him. You can talk to him, too, you know. I've got a 900- number in Tulsa you can call him at, I do it all the time. He'll be glad to hear from you. I talk to him everyday.

Jesus love me, but he can't stand you.
Barbara Anne am Ende

"Weird people are my people."
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Re: You should see this

Postby jsteve068 » Apr 22, 2009 4:20 pm

i just joined their site and posted this
homer the caver

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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: in a cave
Posts: 1
homer the caver is under investigation

what the hell have yall people been smoking.i have never found anything wrong with caving . i have not been looking for satan but he is more than likely on this board.
yall need to get outta the house more often & get a life
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Re: You should see this

Postby shibumi » Apr 22, 2009 4:31 pm

I saw Jesus in the cave behind the post office in Pall Mall, TN. I had lunch with Satan in a cave in
Kentucky.
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Re: You should see this

Postby NZcaver » Apr 22, 2009 5:03 pm

OK folks, hopefully by now we all realize this whole thing is a parody. I'm moving this topic to the joke forum where I think it belongs. Please remember we have a 'no religious discussion' rule on our forum, so kindly refrain from any real discussion or comments which others might find offensive. Thanks.
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