Truisms

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Truisms

Postby pacaver » Aug 14, 2008 3:47 pm

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt or a leaky tire.

3. It's always darkest before dawn , so if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

5. Always remember that you're unique - just like everyone else.

6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

11. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

12. Some days you're the bug, some days you're the windshield

13. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

14. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

16. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

17. There are two theories to arguing with a woman - Neither one works.

18. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

19. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

20. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative
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Re: Truisms

Postby wyandottecaver » Aug 14, 2008 7:21 pm

From Tim Wilson's things to remember.....

a virgin don't never drive a z-28
she didn't accidently get good in bed
you can't join a church if your already dead
brim and bass ain't seafood
when theres guns in the house one better be yours
don't be naked next to any fishin' lures
if you say I do... be the ugly one
never fry bacon without a shirt on
never spray water on a hornets nest
the sign probly don't really mean massage
never threaten anybody in camoflauge
say you love her til she lays down the butcher knife
never put the move on the bosses wife
Cosmo's never in a happy home
you can't cut a deal with a kidney stone
a politician ain't got an HMO
you been married nine times... maybe its you
the clinic ain't the best place to pick up dates
how many get to heaven no one knows but hell will be a***s and elbows
I'm not scared of the dark, it's the things IN the dark that make me nervous. :)
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