Top 20 reasons why I don't have kids.

[pacaver]

20. I still buy toys every year for Christmas, but they're for me instead of a snot-nosed brat that would rather play with the cardboard box than the $40 piece of plastic that came inside.

19. My wife never has to worry about me banging the babysitter or nanny.

18. Snot

17. By not having children, I avoid the curse my mother always warned me about whenever I misbehaved as a child.

16. I can make less money than someone with kids and still have more money left over at the end of the year. To buy toys. For me.

15. Dirty diapers

14. I can watch whatever cable channels I wish, any time of day I wish.

13. No need to hide my pistol, my booze, or my porn.

12. Motorcycle(s) vs. mini-van? Gee. Let me think.

11. Everyone knows that making babies is far more fun than having them.

10. My wife is 40 and hasn't got a single stretch mark on her.

9. I don't have to attend a parent-teacher conference. Ever.

8. I never get colds.

7. Health insurance for two is a lot cheaper than health insurance for five.

6. My wife can cuss me out for forgetting to mow the lawn without worrying about tainting the virgin ears of a young and impressionable child who could be listening somewhere in the house.

5. Having sex with the bedroom door open. And the lights on. At four in the afternoon.

4. If your cat or dog does something bad, you can put it to sleep and buy another one that looks just like it.

3. It gives me lots of opportunities to mess with people. Anytime someone asks me if I have kids, I can say, "I'm under court order not to" or "None that I know of" and then watch the expression on their face.

2. As an uncle or aunt, you can give your nieces and nephews back once they start to get obnoxious.

And the number one reason why I don't have children...

1. I actually love children, I just can't eat a whole one.

[cob]

Ya know, I usually reply to lists like these with a list in the opposite vain...

Problem is, as a parent, I AGREE!!!

tom