Cavechat.org

We always hear " the rules "
From the female side


Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!



1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports . It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be .

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem.

See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria 's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both!
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Chris topher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we as k what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation,
or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;


But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Something along the same lines is the "guy hug". It is permissible for 2 guys to hug in moments of emotional joy. Your team wins the Super Bowl, you tell your best friend (NOT the dog!) that you are getting married, or you are both drunk.

There is however a certain protocol involved.

1. Shake hands using a firm grip.
2. While maintaining the handshake, pull each other close until both bodies contact the joined hands.
3. Very Important! At no time must body to body contact be allowed.
4. The left arms of each guy isthen placed around the shoulders of the other guy.
5. 2 firm 'thumps' are applied to the shoulders. No more. No less.
6. Immediatly separate and comment about the outcome of the next Nascar race.
7. take a long swig of beer.
8. Never NEVER NEVER mention that any form of "bonding" took place.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation,
or golf.

On this forum topics would range from: can the family budget handle another 500 feet of rope, where that possible tight, wet, muddy crawl might lead to? How to a change over faster, where that fine looking girl in the last grotto meeting with the nice butt came from and is she really a good caver, how to squeeze in going to convention, A TAG-Fall Cave in and not miss any days from work and without eating into vacation time... and so forth.

1. We're cavers and hopefully you are too so mud on the clean kitchen floor, car seats, living room couch and bedroom are perfectly acceptable.
Oh and the muddy ring around the bathtub is okay too.

1. If we need new rope, dammit we need new rope that's it, no questions... you want one of us to die?

1. Going to see a cave we've seen a dozen times is always lot better than going to visit your Aunt Edna and listening about her latest ailment.

1. Cave maps, caving pictures on the wall is ART.

1. Talking about bats, salamanders, cave crickets and spiders is acceptable dinner table conversation... no matter which restaraunt we eat in.

1. Same goes for anything caving.

1. Caving is never-EVER a waste of time.

1. A caving trip on a Sunday is going to happen, the pastor at church will live not seeing us sitting in the pews pretending to be awake.

1. Nothing, repeat; absolutely nothing is going to happen if a caving trip has several single (attractive) college age girls going along. So don't even consider it if we come walking in the door at 2 AM with a big smile on our muddy faces.

1a. The mention of exploring "virgin passage" with a smile on our face after one of the (above) trips is also another clear indication that "nothing went on." So stop calling your lawyer.

(anyone else?)

Hmm, I think I will have to respectfully disagree with some of these "rules":

Please note.. these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!

The inability to set priorities is not a good thing. Cavers who put caving high on there spending list should understand this.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.

For people that are around dogs this is not cool. I don't like getting licked by a dog who just took a good drink from the toilet.

1. Sunday sports . It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be .

No way. I'd always rather be caving, climbing.

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

You forgot Maybe.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

Not true, men see many colors but describe them based on a few cardinal colors (as in blue, bluish, dark blue, light blue, shiny blue, bright blue, blue-green, etc...)

James

Geez hunter, have you read the name of this forum section? its called jokes!

Sorry Nico, guess I got a little to serious for the section

Nico, Dane, Ralph - don't you guys know that this is a serious breech of confidentiality by revealing these secrets to everyone?