A woman's vocabulary

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Postby Wayne Harrison » May 8, 2007 6:38 pm

UK TheSpoof! had an interesting headline regarding this controversy:

Sir Patrick Moore Speaks From His Uranus

Formerly intelligent stargazer Sir Patrick Moore has today managed to insult half the population of this little planet by claiming that cookery, housekeeping and kitchen-sink drama should be used as "training videos" for the modern woman.

He also expressed his opinion that separate TV channels for men should be considered, presumably showing porn, drinking, farting and how to attempt basic DIY.

Sir patrick also mentioned that he used to watch Sci-Fi until they became politically correct by employing women in top roles such as commanders.

A BBC spokesman laughed uncomfortably before commenting, "Ha ha ha, what a lovable old rogue!"

Perhaps Sir Patrick is correct, women should stick to lesser roles such as which house to buy, how to rear the children well and how to budget for a household while juggling childcare with a top job, while men should take on the greater decisions in life such as how the country would be run if they were in charge and who should go through to the premiership and why.

Sir Patrick was unavailable for comment today, having assumed that only men would be capable of reading his article.

(of course it's written by a woman)
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Postby hunter » May 9, 2007 6:52 pm

Phwew, I was starting to think this thread should be split off to open talk given it's serious turn. Fortunately our dedicated and skillful moderator Wayne stepped in to save the day!

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Postby Wayne Harrison » May 10, 2007 5:44 am

I'm waiting for someone to counter with a "man's vocabulary." Something about toilet seats being up and not being interupted during football games...

:cavechat:
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Postby Squirrel Girl » May 10, 2007 7:09 am

Wayne Harrison wrote: :cavechat:
Dood. You're got WAYYYYYYY to much time on your hands to invent that smilie. But it's REALLY good!
:woohoo:

BTW, my local mountain bike forum has eleven, count them eleven smilies. How pathetic!!! So sometimes I can't help myself and I steal cavechat smilies and post them on the MORE board!
:whistle:
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Postby Teresa » May 10, 2007 8:19 am

Wayne Harrison wrote:I'm waiting for someone to counter with a "man's vocabulary." Something about toilet seats being up and not being interupted during football games...

:cavechat:


Uh....I'll get to it right away, dear.
No.
Can you bring me a beer?
Your mother's? Again?
I really was playing foosball at Franks all night. Really.
Ugh.
(excitedly) I've got tickets to...(insert ball sport here)!
I can still walk through the garage. What's the problem?
We saw three deer, but they were too close to shoot.
I had this 200 pound catfish on the line, and then the line broke.

and finally...

No way! I can't miss the Possum Lodge meeting on Red Green tonight!

"I'm a man...and I can change...if I have to...I guess."-- Man's oath.
(often considered a reference to underwear.)

Honey, I lost the toolbox, but I still have the duct tape. We can use that.

(Finding a big rock to hide under. ) :rofl:
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Postby Stridergdm » May 10, 2007 11:10 am

Ok now. You've gone to far. Are you mocking the patron saint of men, Red Green. :boxing:


That's just to much. Why don't you go crawl into a hole in the ground. :tonguecheek:
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Postby Teresa » May 11, 2007 10:31 am

Strider,

I find Red Green amazingly prescient, and full of male wisdom. And hysterically funny, because I think I've dated one of everyone on that show. Including the guy with the septic tank. I married Ranger Gord.

Instead of Pre-Cana conferences, engaged encounter, marriage prep classes, marriage and family college classes, or wise advice on marriage from celibate priests and nuns, I would suggest that all heterosexual couples contemplating marriage be advised to attend a Red Green marathon viewing weekend at a suitable lodge.

There would be fewer marriages, of course, and the ones which do occur would last longer, once the foibles of the plaid-er sex are revealed.
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Postby Stridergdm » May 11, 2007 1:16 pm

Good idea!

:woohoo:
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Postby Princess Butterfly » Jun 4, 2007 4:16 pm

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item she doesn't want.

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful womand is one who can find such a man.

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and try not to understand her at all.

Marrried men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

Any married man should forget his mistakes - there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

Men wake up as good looking as when they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the start of a new argument.

There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman:
Before marriage and After.
See you on a long rope soon,

Princess Butterfly
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Postby tallgirl » Jun 4, 2007 5:26 pm

Princess Butterfly wrote:To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and try not to understand her at all.


I really like this one :caver: I really dont think any guy will fully understand me because I'm so complicated I dont even fully understand myself or maybe I do and then manage to change :-)
Last edited by tallgirl on Jun 4, 2007 5:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Dane » Jun 4, 2007 5:33 pm

Uh.....sorry TG, I didn't understand that at all!!!
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Postby tallgirl » Jun 4, 2007 5:35 pm

Dane wrote:Uh.....sorry TG, I didn't understand that at all!!!


exactly :-) your proving my point
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Postby Dane » Jun 4, 2007 5:57 pm

This is old, but seemed a fitting rebuttal.



Men Are Just Happier People

Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be President.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache..
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.
Dane
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Postby Princess Butterfly » Jun 7, 2007 10:29 am

Reasons Why its Great to be a Woman
We have multiple orgasms.
Men die earlier, so we cash in on the life insurance and live our last days in luxury.
Because Brad Pitt exists.
Nothing shrivels in the cold.
"Women's problems" is a convenient excuse - no questions asked.
We don't have to iron shirts everyday
Even when we're having a fat day we can still look great by wearing glam accessories.
We don't have to change tires.
We get to leave a sinking ship first.
We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.
We can cry and get off speeding fines.
We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game.
Taxis stop for us.
We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies (you get the point).
New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.
No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival The Speedo.
We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.
If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her butt.
We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
If we're dumb, some people will find it cute.
We have the ability to dress ourselves.
We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
We'll never regret piercing our ears.
We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.
We'll never discover we've been duped by a Wonderbra.
See you on a long rope soon,

Princess Butterfly
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"Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you." Nathaniel Hawthorne
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Postby Dane » Jun 7, 2007 12:15 pm

I know better than to argue with GRITS!!!!!
Dane
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