A woman's vocabulary

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A woman's vocabulary

Postby Wayne Harrison » Apr 28, 2007 4:06 pm

A sample of a woman's vocabulary.

1. Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are
right and you need to shut up.

2. Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour.
Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to play the computer game before helping around the house.

3. Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something,
and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

4. Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5. Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6. That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman says
before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7. Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome.

8. Whatever: Is a women's way of saying your opinion doesn't matter.

9. Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "What's wrong?" For the woman's response refer to #3.
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Postby graveleye » Apr 29, 2007 2:55 pm

i know of a few more, but posting them would be a violation of the TOS :caver:
ad astra per aspera

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Postby Dane » Apr 29, 2007 7:50 pm

Post! Post!
I need all the help I can get!!!!
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Re: A woman's vocabulary

Postby Teresa » Apr 30, 2007 8:59 am

Wayne Harrison wrote:A sample of a woman's vocabulary.


I realize this is humor, not sociology, but as a member of maligned gender I offer these alternate definitions:

1. Fine: A somewhat neutral word indicating disagreement with the master of the house, but intended in a subservient manner, to avoid his ire.

2. Five Minutes: The time she expects you to spend on housework a day. Also, a time frame in a football or basketball game she doesn't understand, when the 'last five minutes' can extend a half hour or more.

3. Nothing: Nothing can mean two things. Either it truly means nothing (as in "disregard this") or it is something really bothering her but which she doesn't feel like talking about, since she knows to fully explore the topic will just get the master of the house upset.

4. Go Ahead: Depends on the context. Can mean "Go ahead. Make My Day," in the Clint Eastwood sense, or that she truly doesn't care what you are about to do, since she's pretty sure it will end in disaster. (Having already seen the master of the house do that very thing before.) It rarely is a positive or encouraging remark.

5. Loud Sigh: Oh boy, do I know this one. Usually, it means she is breathing. Women tend to take short shallow breaths, and occasionally catch up with a Loud Sigh. Loud sighs are a means of relieving general tension, but rarely are directed against the man of the house. They are usually misconstrued as anger, when the sigher is resigned to the inevitable, but not angry about it. But over 90% of the time, she's just catching up on her oxygen.

6. That's Okay: Men never believe this one. If you actually agree with a male, and say, 'that's Okay with me,' the next thing out of their mouth often is "what's wrong?" That's Okay is a bit of meaningless punctuation, somewhat like "Oh, well."

7. Thanks: If a woman is truly thankful, she will kiss you, hug you, cook you a good meal, fulfil your weird bedroom fantasies, or nominate you for an award. Thanks is a polite acknowledgement they noticed you went out of your way to pick up your own underwear, or washed the dishes which you dirtied, instead of leaving them for her.

8. Whatever: Equivalent to "oh well". See "That's Okay, above."

9. Don't worry about it, I got it: Depends on context and intonation. If said in a neutral tone, she's trying to open a pickle jar too wide to be grasped efficiently by smaller hands, it means she found a pipe wrench, and the jar succesfully popped, releasing 100 psi of vacuum, and she's proud of herself. If said in a condescending or pained voice, it is in frustration with the man of the house who owns the Irish wolfhound, but doesn't notice there are 4 100 lb bags of dogfood still needing to be moved to the garage. So she gets a two-wheeled truck and moves it while he is glued to the tube for the last five minutes of 'the game.'
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Postby Mike Cato » Apr 30, 2007 2:18 pm

::Sigh::

Those would've helped this weekend, Teresa.

Excellent post.
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Re: A woman's vocabulary

Postby tallgirl » Apr 30, 2007 4:43 pm

deleted by writer
Last edited by tallgirl on Apr 30, 2007 10:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Wayne Harrison » Apr 30, 2007 6:20 pm

Please note: This thread is posted is under the "Jokes" section. Therefore anything posted here should be considered a joke or satire.
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Postby Grandpa Caver » Apr 30, 2007 6:29 pm

Good answer Wayne.
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Re: A woman's vocabulary

Postby Teresa » Apr 30, 2007 6:30 pm

tallgirl wrote:Quote removed at tallgirl's request.


Oh, chill, tallgirl :doh:

a) This is listed under the category of jokes.
b) I started out saying this isn't sociology, it is humor.
c) Once you're around here a while, you'll see I'm not afraid to take on any sacred icon or idea, living or dead. I'm always polite and respectful, but I'm afraid I don't subscribe to any code of political or social correctness, especially in jokes.
d) I can make such statements, dripping in honeyed irony, cause I've been solidly married for 14 years to the same man, and I've been dealing with 'relationships' for over quarter century. With one exception (an actual card-carrying sometimes institutionalized man with mental illness) I'm proud to say any one of my former flames could come to the door, and we'd greet each other with a hug and we'd go for a Coke to chat.
e) there is nothing wrong with letting a man think he is master of the house. If he thinks he's master of the house, he's got incentive to fix it, take out the trash, mow the grass, and even do laundry and dishes!

Welcome to the DB zoo!

:rofl:
Last edited by Teresa on May 1, 2007 1:46 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Postby tallgirl » Apr 30, 2007 6:30 pm

I know I'm sorry but I just don't find it very funny
Failed gene line :grin:
:bat:
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Postby Teresa » Apr 30, 2007 6:36 pm

tallgirl wrote:I know I'm sorry but I just don't find it very funny


Well, I apologize if I gave offense. I didn't say a man was master of anyone, but of 'the house'. A wife is not a house (usually).
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Re: A woman's vocabulary

Postby NZcaver » Apr 30, 2007 6:58 pm

Edit - double post removed. :oops:
Last edited by NZcaver on Apr 30, 2007 8:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: A woman's vocabulary

Postby NZcaver » Apr 30, 2007 7:01 pm

tallgirl wrote:NO MAN IS MASTER OF ANY LIVING THING BUT THEMSELVES!!!

:hairpull: Banish Teresa now!!! :kidding:

Well, I found it funny anyway. But what do I know about "correct" PC humor? Is there even such a thing? :laughing:
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Postby Bobatnathrop » Apr 30, 2007 7:49 pm

OMG double post!

But no that was funny, even though I have seen it like 20 times.
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Postby tallgirl » May 1, 2007 1:47 pm

10. Forget About it: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are wrong. Note as with "1. Fine" you need to shut up because the lady has admitted defeat and this is the furthest you will get in the matter without backlash. Do not attempt to carry the argument further.



As to my earlier posting "Forget About it"
Failed gene line :grin:
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