ask Calvins Dad

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ask Calvins Dad

Postby graveleye » Mar 6, 2007 10:57 am

I am huge Calvin and Hobbes fan, and ran across this little gem today.

Ask Calvin's Dad

Calvin's dad answering questions, quoted from various Calvin and Hobbes books by Bill Watterson.

Q. Why does the sun set?
A. It's because hot air rises. The sun's hot in the middle of the day, so it rises high in the sky. In the evening then, it cools down and sets.
Q. Why does it go from east to west?
A. Solar wind.

Q. Why does the sky turn red as the sun sets?
A. That's all the oxygen in the atmosphere catching fire.
Q. Where does the sun go when it sets?
A. The sun sets in the west. In Arizona actually, near Flagstaff. That's why the rocks there are so red.
Q. Don't the people get burned up?
A. No, the sun goes out as it sets. That's why it's dark at night.
Q. Doesn't the sun crush the whole state as it lands?
A. Ha ha, of course not. Hold a quarter up. See, the sun's just about the same size.
Q. I thought I read that the sun was really big.
A. You can't believe everything you read, I'm afraid.
Q. How come old photographs are always black and white? Didn't they have color film back then?
A. Sure they did. In fact, those old photographs are in color. It's just that the world was black and white then. The world didn't turn color until sometime in the 1930s, and it was pretty grainy color for a while, too.
Q. But then why are old paintings in color?! If the world was black and white, wouldn't artists have painted it that way?
A. Not necessarily. A lot of great artists were insane.
Q. But... But how could they have painted in color anyway? Wouldn't their paints have been shades of gray back then?
A. Of course, but they turned colors like everything else did in the '30s.
Q. So why didn't old black and white photos turn color too?
A. Because they were color pictures of black and white, remember?

Q. Dad, will you explain the theory of relativity to me? I don't understand why time goes slower at great speed.
A. It's because you keep changing time zones. See, if you fly to California, you gain three hours on a five-hour flight, right? So if you go at the speed of light, you gain more time, because it doesn't take as long to get there. Of course, the theory of relativity only works if you're going west.

Q. Why do my eyes shut when I sneeze?
A. If your lids weren't closed, the force of the explosion would blow your eyeballs out and stretch the optic nerve, so your eyes would flop around and you'd have to point them with your hands to see anything.

Q. How do bank machines work?
A. Well, let's say you want 25 dollars. You punch in the amount and behind the machine there's a guy with a printing press who makes the money and sticks it out this slot.
Q. Sort of like the guy who lives up in our garage and opens the door?
A. Exactly.

Q. What causes the wind?
A. Trees sneezing.

Q. Why does ice float?
A. Because it's cold. Ice wants to get warm, so it goes to the top of liquids to be nearer to the sun.
Q. Is that true?
A. Look it up and find out.
Q. I should just look up stuff in the first place.

Q. How come you know so much?
A. It's all in the book you get when you become a father.
ad astra per aspera

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Postby Phil Winkler » Mar 6, 2007 1:08 pm

Kev,

ROFL..I have the 3 volume set of Calvin that my wife gave me last Xmas.

I can't remember the last time that reading a book caused me to laugh out loud so long.

Thanks for posting. The time zone travel is great and I can picture Calvin's screwed up face as he tries to comprehend what Dad has said.
:calvin:
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Postby graveleye » Mar 6, 2007 1:55 pm

I keep putting the big C&H box set on my Christmas list, but I guess my people balk at the price. I would looooove to have that and the complete Far Side too.

Calvin and Hobbes and the Far Side pretty much sum up my sense of humor... well toss in a little Foxtrot too.


Speaking of Foxtrot, that comic gave it up and quit writing that strip too... what is happening to the world???? First C&H, then Far Side went away, now Foxtrot? I will be lost if Mutts and Overboard go away too:(
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Postby bigalpha » Mar 6, 2007 5:54 pm

I miss Peanuts. Far Side is my other Fav. C&H is great too. Dilbert too. Wow, that was discombobulated.
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Comics

Postby cavedoc » Mar 7, 2007 11:33 am

Farside and Calvin & Hobbs still make me laugh when I read them. I used to love Bloom County too but it didn't seem to age as well.
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Re: Comics

Postby cob » Mar 7, 2007 3:20 pm

cavedoc wrote:Farside and Calvin & Hobbs still make me laugh when I read them. I used to love Bloom County too but it didn't seem to age as well.



I still miss Bloom County (and C&H, Farside). Pearls and Swine makes me groan.
If fate doesn't make you laugh, then you just don't get the joke.
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Postby hewhocaves » Mar 9, 2007 9:03 pm

I do a little drawing on the side and I thought this summed up my feelings on the subject:
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