If you are thinking of having children....

Want to share a good joke? Post it here. No offensive jokes, please.

Moderator: Moderators

If you are thinking of having children....

Postby cob » Oct 14, 2006 6:57 pm

keep this in mind.

"Things I've learned from my Children (honest & no kidding):"

For those with No children - this is totally hysterical! For those who already have children past this age - this is hilarious. For those who have children at this age - this is not funny. For those who have children nearing this age - this is a warning. For those who have not yet had children - this is a form of birth control!

The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas:
"Things I've learned from my Children (honest & no kidding):"
1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 3 bedroom house about 4 inches deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on a nylon duster and then run over it with roller skates / blades, they can ignite.
3. A 3-year olds voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a large room.
5. You should not throw balls up when the ceiling fan is on, using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can then hit a ball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a ball hit by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already too late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Bleach makes smoke, and lots of it.
9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
10. Certain bits of Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old.
11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12. Super glue is forever.
13. No matter how much Jello you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
14. Pool filters do not like Jello.
15. VCR's do not eject toasted sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in petrol tanks make lots of noise when driving and are very expensive to remove.
18. You probably do not want to know what that smell really is.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.
20. The average response time for the fire brigade is about 20 minutes
21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24. The mind of a 6-year old is a wonderful and amazing thing. True story: One day the infant school teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read," ..And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, "Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?" One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said...'Holy xxxxx! A talking pig!'" The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.


25. 60% of men who read this will try mixing the bleach and brake fluid
















and yeah, I tried it. tom
If fate doesn't make you laugh, then you just don't get the joke.
cob
NSS Hall Of Fame Poster
 
Posts: 477
Joined: Sep 7, 2005 7:54 pm
Location: Ozarkistan
  

Postby bigalpha » Oct 15, 2006 2:26 am

how'd it go? i've been meaning to try it, but keep forgetting.
User avatar
bigalpha
NSS Hall Of Fame Poster
 
Posts: 611
Joined: Sep 6, 2005 3:04 pm
Location: Central TN
  

Postby Ron Fulcher » Oct 15, 2006 9:07 am

Post photos if you have them!
Ron Fulcher
Prolific Poster
 
Posts: 187
Joined: Sep 9, 2005 9:09 am
Location: Jamestown, Ohio
NSS #: 44706RL
Primary Grotto Affiliation: Rockcastle Regional Grotto
  

Postby Teresa » Oct 15, 2006 11:02 am

Super glue is NOT forever.
You just need acetone-containing fingernail polish remover to get it off. Or super glue remover, though the acetone polish remover works better.
Teresa
NSS Hall Of Fame Poster
 
Posts: 1413
Joined: Dec 31, 2005 9:06 pm
  

Re: If you are thinking of having children....

Postby fuzzy-hair-man » Oct 15, 2006 7:40 pm

cob wrote:25. 60% of men who read this will try mixing the bleach and brake fluid

Guilty, well I wanted to.... :oops:
cob wrote:and yeah, I tried it. tom

Did it work? :question: :grin:
User avatar
fuzzy-hair-man
NSS Hall Of Fame Poster
 
Posts: 955
Joined: Apr 6, 2006 2:09 am
Location: Canberra, Australia
Primary Grotto Affiliation: NUCC
  

Postby DeWayne » Oct 16, 2006 11:03 am

Dry chlorine works much better, beautiful flame. Just make sure not to be directly over the chlorine when you pour on the brake fluid.
Gobwats
User avatar
DeWayne
Frequent Poster
 
Posts: 60
Joined: Oct 1, 2005 12:30 pm
Location: BUrlington, KY
Name: DeWayne Hyatt PhD
NSS #: NSS# 53694
Primary Grotto Affiliation: CDS GCG
  

Postby wendy » Oct 16, 2006 1:17 pm

ok i'm not a guy, but i have been dying to try this out

http://gprime.net/video.php/supersoakerflamethrower
User avatar
wendy
Global Moderator
 
Posts: 1527
Joined: Sep 5, 2005 10:51 am
Location: florida
Name: Wendy
NSS #: 53923
Primary Grotto Affiliation: Flint River Grotto
  

Postby cob » Oct 16, 2006 2:10 pm

wendy wrote:ok i'm not a guy, but i have been dying to try this out

http://gprime.net/video.php/supersoakerflamethrower


It says,"Do not try this at home" yeah... outside of home is MUCH better.

If it ever stops raining here i will do the brake fluid/ bleach thing again and take pictures... and use dry bleach this time.
Too cool, Dewayne...
If fate doesn't make you laugh, then you just don't get the joke.
cob
NSS Hall Of Fame Poster
 
Posts: 477
Joined: Sep 7, 2005 7:54 pm
Location: Ozarkistan
  

Postby NZcaver » Oct 16, 2006 2:11 pm

wendy wrote:ok i'm not a guy, but i have been dying to try this out

http://gprime.net/video.php/supersoakerflamethrower

Looks like fun! :woohoo: But perhaps try it outside - not like those idiots... :doh:
User avatar
NZcaver
Global Moderator
 
Posts: 6351
Joined: Sep 7, 2005 2:05 am
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Name: Jansen
NSS #: 50665RL
  

Postby mgmills » Oct 16, 2006 3:17 pm

DeWayne wrote:Dry chlorine works much better, beautiful flame. Just make sure not to be directly over the chlorine when you pour on the brake fluid.


OK so I'm :off topic: but this helps prove my long held theory that many(maybe even most) cavers are also pyromaniacs :-)
Martha Mills
NSS 39864
User avatar
mgmills
Global Moderator
 
Posts: 1375
Joined: Sep 5, 2005 3:06 pm
Location: Sewanee TN
Name: Martha Mills
NSS #: 39864
Primary Grotto Affiliation: Dogwood City Grotto
  

Postby graveleye » Oct 16, 2006 5:07 pm

mgmills wrote:
OK so I'm :off topic: but this helps prove my long held theory that many(maybe even most) cavers are also pyromaniacs :-)


No I actually think you are onto something there Martha...

http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a325/ ... G_0788.jpg

see what i mean?
ad astra per aspera

http://www.myspace.com/jamthecontrols

The views expressed in this post are not necessarily those of any organization I am affiliated with.

Become a sustaining member of the SCCI
User avatar
graveleye
Global Moderator
 
Posts: 2934
Joined: Mar 14, 2006 11:12 am
Location: Georgia, USA
Name: Kevin Glenn
NSS #: 57238RL
  

Postby DeWayne » Oct 17, 2006 1:38 pm

cob wrote:
wendy wrote:ok i'm not a guy, but i have been dying to try this out

http://gprime.net/video.php/supersoakerflamethrower


It says,"Do not try this at home" yeah... outside of home is MUCH better.

If it ever stops raining here i will do the brake fluid/ bleach thing again and take pictures... and use dry bleach this time.
Too cool, Dewayne...


A volunteer FD put on a demonstration years ago with the brake fluid and dry chlorine (such as used in pool filters). Placed a nice mound on the ground and then pured the brake fluid from the roof top. Produced a beautiful blue flame that would have singed his hair off had he not backed up after pouring. Ever since, I have always loved finding things around the home that when combined make for a nice flame or boom.
Gobwats
User avatar
DeWayne
Frequent Poster
 
Posts: 60
Joined: Oct 1, 2005 12:30 pm
Location: BUrlington, KY
Name: DeWayne Hyatt PhD
NSS #: NSS# 53694
Primary Grotto Affiliation: CDS GCG
  

Postby cave rat » Oct 25, 2006 12:17 pm

It will also get hot enough to disintegrate and drink can in 2 seconds. I saw that happen on TV a few years back.

A lot of people that have pools and store pool Chlorine in the basement where they also store brake fluid don't know this. And their house catches fire before they know it.
Cave Rat
NSS 46542RE
SCCI
Jackson County/Scottsboro Grotto
User avatar
cave rat
NSS Hall Of Fame Poster
 
Posts: 311
Joined: Sep 5, 2005 12:32 am
Location: Jasper, Alabama
NSS #: 46542RE
Primary Grotto Affiliation: Jackson County-Scottsboro Grotto
  

pyro

Postby caverbill » Oct 30, 2006 3:39 pm

[ this helps prove my long held theory that many(maybe even most) cavers are also pyromaniacs]

We are not pyromaniacs! It's just to really understand something you need to blow it up and examine all the little pieces while their still burning.
OK, maybe you have a point.

On the bright side, tomorrow is Halloween and our family tradition is that after it's over, I get to blow up the pumpkin with a quarter stick! :grin: [/quote]
User avatar
caverbill
Occasional Poster
 
Posts: 46
Joined: Dec 15, 2005 2:02 pm
Location: Virginia
  


Return to Joke Forum

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users

cron