School teacher arrested

[kvart]

NEW YORK -- A public school teacher was arrested today at John F.
Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while
in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule
and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales said
he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement.
He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with
carrying weapons of math instruction.

"Al-gebra is a problem for us," Gonzales said. "They desire solutions
by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of
absolute values. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and
refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined they belong
to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in
every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say,
'There are 3 sides to every triangle'."

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had
wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have
given us more fingers and toes." White House aides told reporters
they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the
president.