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More Groaners...

PostPosted: Sep 18, 2006 2:19 pm
by cob
Groaners- Apologies in advance

1. Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was assaulted.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The barman says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
3. A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."
4.Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, "A beer please, and one for the road."
6. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
7. Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bar tender here?"
8. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, "Does this taste funny to you?"
9. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed. Is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the Dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy."
10. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.
11. I went to the butcher's the other day and I bet him $50 that he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high."
12. I went to a seafood disco rave last week and pulled a mussel.
13. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
14."Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" "It's Not Unusual."
15. Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy
16. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
17. Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was great.
18. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

and last but not least:

19. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

PostPosted: Sep 18, 2006 2:33 pm
by Scott McCrea
A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop.

PostPosted: Sep 18, 2006 2:52 pm
by Wayne Harrison
I really liked my carbide lamp but I like the convenience of a battery-operated headlamp. Too bad they never made an electric carbide.

PostPosted: Sep 18, 2006 3:03 pm
by Phil Winkler
A priest, a rabbi and a duck walk in to a bar.

The bartender looks at them and says "Is this a joke?"

PostPosted: Sep 18, 2006 4:53 pm
by Evan G
A man walks into a bar and it really hurt

A miner walks into a bar, the bartender says “we don’t serve your kind here and turn off your light!â€