Thanks for the email warnings...

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Thanks for the email warnings...

Postby Wayne Harrison » Jul 9, 2006 7:46 am

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the
glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every
envelope that needs sealing.

Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny
Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time. I
no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive
the $15,000 that Bill Gates Microsoft and AOL are sending me for
participating in their special e-mail beta testing program.

I no
longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant
freaks with no eyes or feathers. I no longer use cancer-causing
deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I
forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can
remove toilet stains. I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a
friend along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back
seat when I'm pumping gas.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these
products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans. I no
longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the
microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me
for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be
pricked with a needle infected with AIDS. Not to mention what I might SIT
on in the movie theaters...... no more movies for me!

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with an
aftershave cologne sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually
Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our
American troops or the Salvation Army.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a
number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda,
Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive
my free replacement pair from Nike.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have
their recipe.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big
brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant
death when it bites my butt. Thank you too for all the endless advice
Andy Rooney has given us. I can live a better life now because he's
told us how to fix everything.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 dropped in
the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a mugger waiting
underneath my car to grab my leg. Oh, and don't forget this one

I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next
70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00
PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back,
causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it
actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's
ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician...

Have a wonderful day....

(collected from the Internet)
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Wayne Harrison
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Postby Jim 23482 » Jul 10, 2006 12:24 pm

You also forgot the thousands of dollars from the Nigerian family who will pay you for opening your bank account to them.
Jim Darracott

Getting even isn't good enough.
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Re: Thanks for the email warnings...

Postby cob » Jul 10, 2006 6:10 pm

Wayne Harrison wrote:I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be
pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

My God!!! do working pay phones still exist???
If fate doesn't make you laugh, then you just don't get the joke.
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