Cow Politics

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Cow Politics

Postby hydrology_joe » May 17, 2006 10:47 pm

You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful so you force the Republicans to give up their cows.

REPUBLICANISM You have two cows. Your neighbor has none.

SOCIALIST You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.

You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

You have two cows. Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.

You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.

You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch and drink wine. Life is good.

You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

You have two cows. You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

You have two cows but you don't know where they are. While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is good.

You have two cows. You have some vodka. You count them and learn you have five cows. You have some more vodka. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two. You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature' s private parts. You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.

You have two cows. They go into hiding. They send radio tapes of their mooing. POLISH CORPORATION
You have two bulls. Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

You have one cow. The cow is schizophrenic. Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish. The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow. The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk. The cow asks permission to be cut in half. The cow dies happy.

You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best looking one. Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither. Some people can't figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking cow.

You have millions of cows. They make real California cheese. Only five speak English. Most are illegals. Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.
What part of "Shall not be infringed" don't you understand?
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Postby Amemeba » May 18, 2006 11:37 pm

Cow Politics

Good Buddy cave owner Cliff Adcock over reacted when cow hunters shot and killed only two of his cows in his herd of forty-three. Afterwards Cliff would only let only a few of the cavers that he trusted visit the three caves that he owned.

Cow Inter-racial misunderstandings

Charlie Brammer and I were crossing a pasture to reach Argo cave.
A group of young bulls confronted us and we ran. The young bulls didn't remember why they were chasing us and we didn't remember why we were running so the bulls and me and Charlie all stopped running and me and Charlie went on to Argo Cave.

Cows and Tom Chamblee

Tom and I walked through a pig wallow to enter a cave below Lammons. Cresent Cave was neat. A short stroll through a stream passage with many delights. Tom drank copiously from the cave stream and gave high glories to the purity of nature's blessings.

We stopped five times enroute to Birminghan to dispose of nature's blessings.
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Postby Hatch » May 19, 2006 3:30 pm

An old Redd Foxx joke:

A farmer and his wife were headed to a costume party, dressed as a bull and a cow. They took a short cut across a neighbor's pasture. Suddenly a real bull starts rushing toward them.

"Honey, what are we gonna do," asks the wife?

"I'm gonna stand over here and eat some grass and you better brace yourself," replies the husband.
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