PARAPROSDOKIANS

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PARAPROSDOKIANS

Postby Phil Winkler » Jun 29, 2011 8:39 am

PARAPROSDOKIANS I had to look up "paraprosdokian". Here is the definition: "Figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation." "Where there's a will, I want to be in it," is a type of paraprosdokian.

Ok, so now enjoy!
1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'

13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

17. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

18. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

19. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

20. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

21. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

22. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

23. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

24. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

25. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

26. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

27. A diplomat is someone who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you look forward to the trip.

28. Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were.

29. I always take life with a grain of salt. Plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.

30. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
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Re: PARAPROSDOKIANS

Postby batrotter » Jun 29, 2011 11:04 am

Those are great! I also learned a new word today.
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Re: PARAPROSDOKIANS

Postby trogman » Jun 29, 2011 12:14 pm

:rofl:
Too funny! I'm trying to decide which ones to use on my boss. After which I will probably have to use #12. :big grin:

Trogman :helmet:
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Re: PARAPROSDOKIANS

Postby GroundquestMSA » Jun 29, 2011 1:59 pm

By the provided definition, very few of these examples are paraprosdokian. They should lead you to believe one idea is coming and then give you another. "Where there's a will, I want to be in it," qualifies because when we hear the beginning we instantly anticipate the rest of the phrase, but are wrong. Dorothy Parkers, "If all the girls at the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised." is another fine specimen. Most of the examples here are comic, one line proverbs that are blatantly predictable. I know a posh website said they were paraprosdokian, but they aren't. Of course, these little lines can still make you grin, if you're easily tickled and you haven't heard them 1,200 times already.
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Re: PARAPROSDOKIANS

Postby Scott McCrea » Jun 30, 2011 5:59 am

GroundquestMSA wrote:...if you're easily tickled...

If you're easily tickled, you may have Hypergargalesthesia.
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Re: PARAPROSDOKIANS

Postby self-deleted_user » Jun 30, 2011 11:32 am

Scott McCrea wrote:
GroundquestMSA wrote:...if you're easily tickled...

If you're easily tickled, you may have Hypergargalesthesia.

OOOh i like that word. I have it. I can sometimes tickle myself even, which is supposed to be impossible or something like that.
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Re: PARAPROSDOKIANS

Postby MUD » Jun 30, 2011 1:06 pm

:big grin: I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken.
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Re: PARAPROSDOKIANS

Postby self-deleted_user » Jun 30, 2011 5:54 pm

The way to a man's heart is through his ribcage.

:D
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Re: PARAPROSDOKIANS

Postby GroundquestMSA » Jun 30, 2011 8:49 pm

Sungura wrote:The way to a man's heart is through his ribcage.


Very nice.
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Re: PARAPROSDOKIANS

Postby NZcaver » Jul 5, 2011 9:07 pm

Wow. I learn something new every decade.
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Re: PARAPROSDOKIANS

Postby nathanroser » Jul 5, 2011 10:11 pm

When in doubt, credit the phrase to Mark Twain.
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Re: PARAPROSDOKIANS

Postby NZcaver » Jul 5, 2011 11:12 pm

When in doubt, donut. :donuts:

(I just made that up. And I got to use that smiley for the first time!) :laughing: :woohoo:
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Re: PARAPROSDOKIANS

Postby self-deleted_user » Jul 6, 2011 9:11 pm

mmm krispy kremes...

Okay how about this one.

"He passed with flying carpets"
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Re: PARAPROSDOKIANS

Postby Chads93GT » Jul 6, 2011 9:41 pm

A man with a short attention span once said, hey look a squirrel!
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Re: PARAPROSDOKIANS

Postby self-deleted_user » Jul 6, 2011 11:13 pm

It's not rocket surgery!
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