*hugs* I can sympathize, Gumby! It took me 8 months to find a grotto. I think some are just more welcoming than others, and contrary to what I thought (Want to cave? Contact a grotto they'll hook you up! Join the NSS!), even if you do things how "they" say you "should", it's still a pretty closed society. I myself got everything from "silent treatment" to being flat out told "We don't need any new members right now". Oh. Uhm. Okay. Best advice I have is keep trying...and maybe someone on this forum knows a grotto near you, and can be your "in". For me it was wynadottecaver, he mentioned the St Joseph Valley Grotto and when I contacted them within 48 hours I had multiple trip invites, was on their mailing list, and even Mudpuppy personally emailed me to make sure I was going to come on his trip!
(Pup is like...famous especially in TAG, and I'd heard of him as I cave in TAG but never met him so I was reallllllly excited to get the email from him, he's a really nice guy)
Anyway...the nice, open, kind, cavers are out there, it just takes a LOT of work to find them. I guess that's why I really like the UK caving community so much. It's really easy to get in over there. All I had to do was say "hey I'm a caver in the states, and I'll be in the UK <dates> where are your caves is anyone around for some trips?" and BAM without knowing anything about me I had more trip invites than I had time to do! That's how I assumed based on what I was told it was supposed to work in the states, and it really doesn't, except for those few special grottos.
And...I cave for FUN and enjoyment, it's a passion. So I try and stay away from the jerks. I don't play the politic game well at *all*, and frankly, I don't care to learn. Someone wants to have a bug up their arse let 'em have it, I don't need or care to be around such people! So maybe think of it this way - yea it sucks big time you're getting the silent treatment. But, at least you know straight up that they are likely not people you want to be friends with.