We have an understanding that if one of us does not want to do something, we do not make each other feel bad about it, period. It's not happened yet, but if it does, I would never dream of making her feel bad because I didn't get to see what was beyond some obstacle. That's just how we are - we do it together or not at all, and there is nothing else said about it.
Graveleye said just what I was thinking. That's exactly the way me and my husband are. I wish you lived closer to us I would take you with me. Everyone says I have a way with new cavers coaching them thur things that make them nervous. I guess its cause I've been there and know just how they feel. I just took my sons wife on her first cave trip ever and she's very claustrophobic. It was mostly a big cave with big rooms but there were some short and little tight spots. When ever she got a little panicky I would talk her calmly thur it. She did great! I would send the biggest one in the group thur the small spots first to show her that she could fit. I told her that she was ok and how to place her body in the tight spots. If you don't do it very much you don't know whats the best way to move your way thur things. A lot of cavers don't think about this just because they can do it they think you can do it, but if you havn't done much cavin you don't know.
I know you can do this and have fun with your husband the fact that you are different makes life exciting. Your quailtys of being a cautious caver and him a daredevil will help the both of you in being a great cavin couple.
I have one more Suggestion you and your husband go cavin just the two of you with maybe one more really close freind that is Sensitive to your probelm. That way if you chicken out on something you wont feel like your are ruining every bodys cave trip. Sometimes others push you into things not meaning any harm but will make you do things you don't really want to can make things worse. Make these trips just for you NO expectations NO we have to go this far No we have to go to this room or crawl just go and cave as much as you feel comfortalbe. After a few of these I bet it will get better.